Monday, January 24, 2005

Block Party Weekend

The depths of my writer’s block were so bleak this weekend that I came dangerously close to buying one of those “Unleash Your Creativity and Get Published Today” magazines. Can you imagine?! (For the uninitiated, these are monthly publications aimed at porky, varicose-veined housewives from South Dakota who seek to break up the day-to-day monotony of Andy Griffith reruns, Little Debbie snack cakes and supermarket tabloids by learning to write their own Harlequin romance novels. Each magazine comes with a series of writing prompts like “When and where were you happiest?” or “Describe what it would be like to be a Little Debbie snack cake for a day.”)

Writer block is the scribe’s version of a huge hemorrhoid. You believe with all of your heart that there’s something good and worthy inside you and you’d do just about anything to let it out and share it with the world, but something is preventing it from coming out. And while there are lots of salves and ointments and things you can use to dress it up and deaden the pain, the only real cure is to wait it out.

Well, that’s what I have, everyone: a big purple hemorrhoid on my creativity. So in lieu of having anything interesting to put in this space today, I will insert my huge ego and invite your requests. I will whore myself out to the internet.

Tell me. What do you want me to write about?

11 Comments:

At 3:26 PM, Blogger alyssa j said...

Have you already written about how you and Hot Wife met and I missed it?

 
At 3:56 PM, Blogger sevans said...

Oh, me me. Pick me. I want to know how you get in touch with your feminine side, why you love your wife so much and why do you think she loves you so much. (After all, Valentine's Day is coming up.)

 
At 7:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I second alyssa j (she took the suggestion right away from me)and your hot wife! I think you're divine- even with writer's blick, you still make me laugh out loud. ((cate archer))

 
At 8:54 PM, Blogger honestyrain said...

writer's block is painful. that's all i got to say. painful. wouldn't wish it on anyone. hope yours passes soon. it likely will. just stop telling yourself you have writer's block. makes it worse. in fact, forget i said anything about it.

so, how are you?

 
At 9:36 PM, Blogger deb in sf said...

writer's blick, my ass. Tell 'em how cool your sis is and how you owe all you are today to her. Hey everyone. I introduced Daniel to his hot wife. I named lefthandedpowerhittingson. I gave that precious girl her first ever Barney video. I used to hand Daniel crayons when he was two and say "here, honey. express yourself." Really. It's true. That bagel smacked some neurons together in ways they had never been before.... Just imagine where you might be.....

 
At 4:14 AM, Blogger Mrs.Strizzay said...

A) What Hot Wife did when she first saw your webbed feet (feet, foot, toe, body, hands). And if she sucked on them I will barf

OR

B) Start of the piece with...."So I was taking a crap the other day".

 
At 4:29 AM, Blogger Jenn said...

I have thinkers block. Is that a disease or whatever? Or does that just mean I'm dumb? Okay, don't answer that. Anyhow, hearing about your first sexual encounter would be fabulous!

 
At 7:21 AM, Blogger Daniel Evans said...

You'll have to forgive my sister, everyone. She smokes rocks.

 
At 7:59 AM, Blogger LadyBug said...

Hmm...have you tried Preparation H? Or those Tucks pads? Just a suggestion.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words...so why not substitute a picture of those webbed toes for your next essay? I think we'd all still like to see that.

 
At 9:16 AM, Blogger Sarah said...

When I couldn't think of what to write, I told the story of how I lost my virginity. Sex sells, baby.

Seriously.

 
At 11:20 AM, Blogger Lola said...

Sex is what gets the ladies all hot and bothered.

 

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